Illusive treasures

It occurs to me that I have little idea of what it means to be a woman.  Being female take no effort or self examination, let alone the building of character; I was born with a vagina and grew breasts, job done.  However, having the apparatus makes me female, not a woman.

To be truthful ‘women’ as a group irritate and intimidate me, I don’t like them.  Individual women I love, care for, like, consider friends.  But as for ‘women’ they’re the most infamous secret society in existence.

I found men simple, understood them (or thought I did) and could communicate with them; if you’ve angered them, they tell you and if they say it you can probably take it at face value. 

Women to the contrary specialise in secret codes that say one thing to your face and another behind your back and have complex levels of hierarchy that are beyond me and baffling.  This is unfortunately only the beginning; there’s the beauty regimes (I was recently informed that I need to start using anti-wrinkle products; I DON’T EVEN MOISTURISE!!!!!!!) the mastery of straighteners, waxing, bikini lines and the mystery of make up and the torturous tweezers.  This may come naturally as breathing to some women but for me it’s like quantum mechanics.

Whilst completely confident and blissful in the realm of power tools and gardening the land of hair and beauty is like Pan’s Labyrinth.  The most upsetting part of this analogy is that, much like Pan’s Labyrinth I’m sure that if I can just get through the scary tasks, not pinch the grapes and evade the monsters, there’s a whole world of experiences and relationships that I will cherish and enjoy.  The net result of this is that I’ve decided to get to grips with womanhood and fully intend to become one.

It is worth noting at this point that I have already been on this journey for a couple of years, but to be honest it mostly consisted of having the tomboy wardrobe, by level of degrees, beaten out of me (that being said I still have all my hoodies, gym sweats etc and love them)  This form of girly boot camp came by way of P, a spectacular creature of her own design who shall doubtless be getting her own post.  Suffice to say I learnt enough of the surface tricks to masquerade as a woman, but nothing about the character of a woman took root, and it is this most illusive of treasures that I seek.