Sunday, 31 January 2010

Elucidation and inquisition

A wonderful Christian friend of mine has a habit of asking me questions which knock my socks off, I love her for them, not least because I wonder how her church, her youth leader, parents, school, whatever haven't answered them for her.  This is not a criticism of any of these people or places, merely a curiosity.  It may also be because she knows that she can ask me anything and I'll answer her honestly and practically.

I've never considered how many myths are propagated about sex, not just sex but its motivations and the intimacy that goes alongside it.  I just seem to trip over them on occasion, usually laugh out loud and then try to untangle them for whoever brought me the latest treasure.

This, by way of example is what I mean; "women will only have sex with someone that there's an emotional involvement with" now this may well be true for some women but its a choice, not a biological fact and this is where my darling friend had been misled; whilst its true that women release a hormone, or endorphin that results in emotional attachment, this happens as a result of sex, not before it.  This could well be why women foolishly think that after a one night stand he's going to call, since surely 'he feels it too' once again, trying not to be cruel or cynical on that biological level; NO he doesn't.

The thing that I marvel at is not the assumption, which in and of itself can be dismissed by a wealth of anecdotal evidence and the existence of one night stands but the fact that the myth is out there at all.  In my humble opinion this has probably got more to do with the way women feel that they ought to feel about sex than anything else.  Now I do not suggest for one minute that sex can be its most intense and incredible when shared between two people with a deep emotional investment and I can back that up from personal experience.  However, I can also tell you that from personal experience its possible to have sex with someone that causes you to not only loose count of orgasms but also blackout without a whisper of an 'I love you' in sight and in the particular instance I refer to I was unaware of the guys middle name or the fact that he had a child.  Now before you write me off as a raging harlot, which you're entitled to do, its worth a moment of personal introspection.  Have you never wanted to kiss a stranger, or sleep with someone you met in a club?  Lets be honest now, there's no emotional investment there.  So I'm left to come back to why the myth exists at all?

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